I start the New Year with good intention,
I resolve not to do food intervention,
I resolve not to make carrot sticks a habit,
With the excuse that I am not a rabbit!
At the holiday spread I firmly try,
Everything, including two kinds of pie.
As I gobble another piece of pie,
Momentary guilt prods good intention,
I adjust my will and I intensely try,
Celery stick and carrot intervention.
I nibble like a dedicated rabbit!
Determined not to indulge my food habit.
I will train myself to court healthy habit,
To desire apples and spinach pie,
To bend wayward will like the ears of a rabbit,
To conform to my culinary intention,
To common sense, healthy intervention,
I'll strive for the disciplined, dietary try!
For a time I take the dietary try,
Then temptation destroys my weak new habit,
Temptation stages drastic intervention,
Temptation stronger than pumpkin pie.
Chocolate cheesecake destroys every good intention,
I eat cheesecake like a lettuce starved rabbit.
I'll leave the lettuce with the lettuce starved rabbit,
I won't pretend will power, I won't even try,
Curb chocolate cheesecake is not my intention,
I love my chocolate cheese cake habit.
There isn't a possible piece of pie,
That would work for a cheesecake intervention.
Ice cream won't work for an intervention,
Banished is the lettuce starved role model rabbit,
No cherry or any other kind of pie,
Will remotely make me desire to try,
To give up my chocolate cheesecake habit,
I claim no New Year’s Resolution intention.
I claim no New Year's Resolution intention,
Of resolving my chocolate cheesecake habit
I won't even pretend I want to try!
The holiday season stealthily sneaks up on the unorganized, multi-tasking millions of us whose intentions are good, but who never miss turning down the fork in the road to unrealized ambitions. I just sent out my Christmas cards this Christmas week, crossing my fingers and with this verse, a handwritten message, and an appropriately harried Christmas cartoon.
For close friends, I included a heart melting picture of a little girl holding a walking doll to set the appropriate tender, sentimental tone to warm their hearts into sentimentality and forgiveness for the tardy Christmas greeting. There is also the potential to make fun of the younger me to relieve some of their annoyance at receiving a tardy Christmas card!
Christmas Card For Christmas Latecomers
Feel free to use the verse. I would love some company to alleviate the guilt and the psychological self talk that keeps pounding in my ear, if you really care, you’d be on time. I really care, but I’m just better at making excuses than I am being on time!
I Just Wanted to Say
In case this misses Christmas Day:
I had such good intentions this year,
The house would be full of Christmas cheer,
The cookies all baked, the stockings all hung,
I’d be relaxed and full of fun.
The gifts aren’t wrapped, the tree is askew,
I still have a million things to do,
Reality hits me extra hard,
I’m late sending you this Christmas card.
Yes I’m late, but I wanted to share,
That you’re in my thoughts and I really care,
Next year I’ll get an early start,
This year, Merry Christmas from my heart!
Realistic Rules (Tongue in Cheek) For a Sleek, Resolute New Year
The procrastinating, unorganized, and umotivated among us can apply our lifestyle to Holiday Festive Feasting and New Year’s Resolutions. The most important thing to remember about Festive Feasting, other than all of the correct, well meant advice about calories and longevity is that eat and treat both are the same word, rearranged. Treat without the tr leaves eat which is an activity of choice during the holiday season. Customize this list of Ten Tenets of Festive Feasting and repeat before you get out of bed every morning in December and January. Print the list on an index card, pin it to the inside of your coat and take it to the holiday parties with you.
Ten Tenets of Festive Feasting
Avoid carrot sticks unless you are a rabbit. Run to the holiday spread that includes rum balls, eggnog and pumpkin pie.
Guzzle as much eggnog as you can as long as you can. Remember that eggnog doesn’t survive and thrive outside of the holiday season. Don’t count its calories-about 10,000 a nip- or if you do put a negative symbol in front of the number and keep drinking.
Treat yourself to lakes of gravy. After all, the gravy container is called a gravy boat. Gravy does not live by gravy alone. It needs mashed potatoes or biscuits to be fulfilled. Use it liberally on mashed potatoes mountains and bales of biscuits.
Forget that calorie and cookie both begin with C. Remember that cookies caress your craving for sweets and can change your holiday frazzled snares to smiles.
Arrive at holiday parties with a growling stomach instead of sensibly eating a snack before going to the party to curb your eating. After all, someone else slaved all day over the party food and there is no admission charge at the door.
Avoid exercise except giving your chewing muscles a workout and walking between the television and the refrigerator in December and January. Those long, cold winter months after the holidays are better for pain and pushups and there is always plenty of snow to pat on your aching muscles.
Troll the Buffet Table. If you see a plate of Santa cookies with icing or a pan of lemon bars, be a troll and pile a skyscraper of them on your plate. Ignore the banner across the door that says the holidays are for sharing. After all, it doesn’t mention food.
Pleasure yourself with pie. Pumpkin pie, mince and apple. Make all of that pie self discipline your practiced all year worthwhile and don’t be stingy with the ice cream or Cool Whip topping.
Remember that life is short, and eternity is a long time to ponder a sleek, well preserved body that never experienced the joys of chocolate or wine.
Maintain safety and alcohol intake common sense and after the holidays, return to your measured eating, exercising self.
Realistic New Year’s Resolutions
Every year I resolve not to procrastinate or backslide or feel guilty when I do both. This year I am making a list of Realistic New Year’s Resolutions. I am trying to improve myself in small increments instead of doing a comprehensive one hour, Oprah makeover. I can comfortably cross out and add to my list of Realistic New Year’s Resolutions and try to be realistic about keeping them. Make a Resolution Reminder card and a template to customize for Realistic New Year’s Resolutions. Just remove the underline with a click of the mouse and your list is revised.
I resolve to improve myself this year,
I will lose fifty pounds, stop drinking beer,
I will be kind to family and friends,
Be quick to forgive and slow to offend.
But whatever resolution I make,
I will leave room to make a mistake,
Forgive falls from grace and keep on sleeping
Renew resolutions and keep on keeping.
Customize This List of New Year’s Resolutions and/or Add Your Own
I will not procrastinate, and will not take my time while doing it.
I will evaluate myself and my goals and try to achieve at least three of them this year.
I will work toward my goals in hops instead of broad jumps.
I will be kinder to others and kinder to myself.
And most important of all, Have a blessed, Food Festive holiday season and a Happy, Resolute New Year!